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Post by Ness Snorlaxia on Jun 22, 2006 16:18:43 GMT -5
Just have a question, does Ted really have the power to make beer bottles float?
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Post by Betelgeuse XII on Jun 22, 2006 17:03:24 GMT -5
GROUP STAGES OVER, SMART MONEY ON FOREST OR RACINGBill and Ted debate the relative chances of the teams left in the competition The Group stages of the UKFA Cup concluded this afternoon, and we now know the eight teams that will progress to the quarter finals. Brightonburg United, Costanzia Jon Voights, Joolsdom Forest, KikMYarm Argyle, Peace and Democracy United, Racing Club de Betelgeuse XII, Shawdom International and Some Random People United will all fight for a place in the last four. Joolsdom Forest have begun to emerge as favourites after their 5-0 thumping of the Posulian Puffins. BADGERS CLEARED OF DRUGS ABUSE, BUT QUESTIONS REMAINSeveral Joolsdom Forest players were cleared this evening of any drug taking by the UKFA, but a leaked report raises questions about the players’ professionalism. The players’ blood alcohol levels were apparently surprisingly high, more than four times the legal driving limit in some cases. The chemical signature suggests that the culprit was GM Potato Vodka – the beverage contains numerous toxic compounds that make it easily traceable. Scientists are reported to be “at a loss to explain how the team was even able to stand, let alone play such outstanding football.” Alex Meles, Forest's manager, attempted to draw a line under the matter by inviting all members of their supporters’ club to a ‘celebration’ at the team hotel, where the GM Parsnip Champagne will be flowing well into the night. An artist’s impression of a badger drinking orgy COSTANZIANS RIOT AGAIN AS JV FINISH SECOND TO ARCH RIVALSCostanzians in high spirits as they anticipate another battle with the pigs PoliceRiots again flared up in Costanzia as fans of Costanzia Jon Voights in pubs across the country watched their arch enemies in KikMYarm overcome the Atlantic Red Wolves to finish above the Jon Voights in Group B. Costanzia face a more difficult tie against Peace and Democracy United as a result, sparking a wave of petty crime against pigeons and birds in general, white or not (the dove being the symbol of Peace and Democracy). Fans also burned P&D flags and effigies of United players, and beat dove-shaped piñatas. Officials are reported to be ‘concerned’ about the chaos. The Costanzian government has reacted to the rioting by banning the sale of GM Potato Vodka, after concerns that the popular drink was fuelling the violence. A leaked UKFA report apparently brands Costanzia fans ‘uncouth barbarians’ in expressing doubts about allowing the Final to be hosted in Costanzia. It also indicates that the UKFA will demand compensation from the Costanzian government for any damage caused by rampaging Jon Voights fans abroad. However it remains to be seen as to whether CCTV evidence will be sufficient evidence against any specific Costanzian citizen, many of whom are a clone of someone else – a tall ask for any facial recognition software. A flag burning Costanzian is confronted by a man with an invisible gun
HOLDAWAS HOTSPURS COACH IS MISSING, PRESUMED KIDNAPPEDWe have received reports that Holdawas Hotspurs’ coach, hitherto silent in the UKFA Cup banter, has been kidnapped. We have no other details at this point but as soon as the subtleties of the situation become clear, we will report them.
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Post by Betelgeuse XII on Jun 22, 2006 18:00:16 GMT -5
YARLY He's actually dropping it because he's so drunk :flamethrowing: Or he could be levitating it. Don't know about floating though
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Post by Ness Snorlaxia on Jun 22, 2006 20:59:15 GMT -5
Hmm, well, in the picture, it is just to the right of his hand, and it doesn't look like it's dropping.
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Post by Betelgeuse XII on Jun 23, 2006 6:11:12 GMT -5
this one? Anyway how else would one give the impression that it was dropping? :stare:
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Post by Ness Snorlaxia on Jun 23, 2006 7:28:06 GMT -5
That's because you edited it to make it look like he was holding it. >_>
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Post by Betelgeuse XII on Jun 23, 2006 14:04:20 GMT -5
Woteva, it's not like it makes any difference. The only difference is the first time I couldn't be bothered to spend another half an hour just to move the bottle a few pixels to the left
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Post by Ness Snorlaxia on Jun 23, 2006 14:23:05 GMT -5
Heh.
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Post by Betelgeuse XII on Jun 23, 2006 15:17:19 GMT -5
PLOT THICKENS IN HOTSPURS KIDNAP DRAMAPolice are reported to have received confirmation by telephone that the Holdawas Hotspurs’ coach has indeed been kidnapped, but they are treating the fact that a ransom demand has yet to be issued as ‘significant’. In an off-the-record statement, the Police have indicated that UKFA Officials are cooperating with the investigation, and that they are particularly interested in the possible rôle played by persons connected with either Joolsdom Forest, Brightonburg United, or possibly both. The Hotspurs’ rivalry with Forest is of course well known, but the Hotspurs’ distinctly below-par performance against Brightonburg was probably as a direct result of the kidnapping, a result which meant that Brightonburg progressed in the competition. We are await the release of statements from both clubs and will notify you as they occur. Meanwhile Police are appealing for witnesses, and have released a reconstruction of the kidnapping in the hopes of jogging someone’s memory. A Police reconstruction of the kidnapping THREAT OF PUBLIC BACKLASH GROWS AFTER RIOTING SPREADSGM Potato Vodka has again been blamed for growing civil disobedience after there were scuffles in the normally peaceful nation of Postboxes as rowdy Shawdom fans rampaged through the tourist district after their game yesterday afternoon. Postboxes’ Police force seemed to be entirely unprepared for the violence as their non-confrontational tactics caused derision among home and away fans alike. Shawdom’s inebriated following are threatening to rival Costanzia’s in terms of reputation for violence, although the scuffles in Postboxes were on a much smaller scale than the widespread unrest that is continuing in Costanzia. Shawdom manager, the increasingly erratic Clayton Buller, has been criticised for his remarks after the fighting was quelled. In complaining about Postboxes FC’s supposed bad behaviour on the pitch, Buller said: “Their players kicked us off the park, so our fans kicked them off the streets”. UKFA Officials are reported to be becoming increasingly exasperated by Buller’s behaviour, and are considering fining him and his club. GMPV RELEASE ‘ALCOBANG’, BEMOAN ‘CHARACTER ASSASSINATION’Under-fire GMPV Officials are set to release a new type of drink, basically a ‘watered down’ version of their wildly popular GM Potato Vodka, in an attempt to restore the brand’s reputation. Reports of GMPV-fuelled violence have been rife during the UKFA Cup, and consumer rights advocates have bemoaned the prevalence and availability of GMPV above local produce, mostly due to its cheapness and incentive packages for retailers (reportedly including tickets for successful wholesalers to UKFA Cup games). The new drink, dubbed an ‘alcobang’ as opposed to an ‘alcopop’, is being released as a ‘lower toxicity alternative’ to regular GMPV, but its bright packaging and adverts are reportedly aimed at the next generation of discerning drunkard. The slogan is reported to be ‘Don’t go out with a pop, go out with a bang’, which has sparked outrage amongst medical professionals who have long pointed out the dangers of drinking GMPV, which they liken to being “Like having your brains smashed out by a piece of GM bacon wrapped around a rather large gold brick”. One of the new GMPV ads in action
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Post by Porcu on Jun 23, 2006 15:56:31 GMT -5
0.o
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Post by Ness Snorlaxia on Jun 23, 2006 16:25:09 GMT -5
I like potato vodka!
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Post by Porcu on Jun 23, 2006 23:33:39 GMT -5
Now, Betelgeuse how long did this take you(or whoever did it)?
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Post by Betelgeuse XII on Jun 24, 2006 14:56:12 GMT -5
Eveything is my work, some of it original and some of it obviously borrowed and modified, the ANTV logo isn't mine though Takes me a couple of hours each night I'd estimate. It's good that people are paying attention, though not always for the right reasons apparantly Oh, half of the team logos aren't mine (so half are) and I've asked ppl to submit stadium pictures for the next round, look out for those
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Post by Porcu on Jun 24, 2006 21:23:41 GMT -5
Well you have done a great job so far and good luck in the future!
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